Communicating for flow

Margo Groeneveld
09 Dec 2021

When writing something, I always have a zillion questions in my mind. What language should I use? How to phrase what I want to say? How do I make sure my words come across the way I want them to come across? It took me quite some time to understand that my genuine curious questioning can offend someone. Yet our words, our language, it’s congruency with our body signals, is the way we interact. Online and offline.

Intersubjective meditation
Years ago I took a circling class, which is a form of intersubjective meditation, that really gave me a feel for the importance of communication. The practice itself is not hard, you sit in a circle and share from your own experience, using language that starts with ‘I feel’, ‘I notice’, ‘I think’. Just that. It was powerful. It immediately creates connection, intimacy and flow. It’s the skill of slowing down, becoming aware and communicating from that place. The only downside might be that once you start doing it, it becomes a lifestyle.

It’s not so easy
I have found it’s easy to practice with people who share the love for personal growth and development. Sadly we live in a world where it feels almost foreign to use these skills. Last week I ended up watching part of the debate from our government on Covid. It was so intriguing to watch. What was said, how it was said, the body language, the eye contact or absence of it. All of it happening… through a chairman. Direct communication really is quite foreign in our culture. I’ve been feeling it while co-creating the network Community of Care. It felt awkward, maybe at times I even felt ashamed for communicating authentically.

But wortwhile
Yet, over time as the relationships have been growing, it’s both been getting easier and more rewarding to practice these skills. It’s not only supporting me in my leadership, but also the people around me. Just yesterday we were reflecting back, after a year of intense cocreation, how much easier it is to be open and honest towards each other. And how much it supports our growth. It’s a way of communication that heals (or prevents worse).